Guff of the day

Jan Moir* in TDM ::

…Of course, no one is blaming Zoe Ball for every fatherless child born or catfight outside the Pink Flamingo. Or the sprawl of drunken girls splattered like guano over British city centres every weekend. Yet I do wonder.

The potency and influence of role models on modern society is sometimes exaggerated, but there is no denying that Zoe & Co started something with their glamorous, boozy buccaneering and their profligate ways. So maybe they have moved on, or at least are the recipients of a careful rebranding exercise in sobering up. Yet the legacy they have left behind continues to rise like a sick soufflé….

Oh do shut the fuck up, you preaching twat.

*Who’s not, apparently, a cheap Chinese knock-off of columnist Jane Moore.

You know, TFI Friday and I’m working the weekend. If I have to read one-more twatting media blowhard or inane self-promoting blogger, I swear I’ll swallow a gallon of petrol and light a burp.

(in a foul mood, btw)

Recommended reading

Jennie’s excellent piece on pub etiquette.

Loved the section on Real Ale ::

* A good real ale barmaid will be knowledgeable about the product. If you have a preference for a particular style of ale, ask for a recommendation
* Ask for a sample if you are unsure which ale you want; most real ale pubs offer them on cask ales, and if they don’t, there’s no harm in asking. A good barmaid wants you to enjoy your drink, not stand there feeling forced to drink a pint you don’t like.
* If you want a good head on your beer, mention this when ordering. Similarly, if you want it Southern-style, ask for the sparkler to be removed
* If you would like your pint to be topped up, ask. A good barmaid ought to ask if you’d like a drop more in, but all of us have off days.

Too true. There is nothing like a knowledgeable barman or barmaid. We went to Dublin a few weeks ago, and had a drink in T.P. Smiths - the barman was so good we stayed for another drink. We only popped in for a “swift half”. Being a barkeep is an art.

I really miss a pint of good ale. I hate this bastard diet.

ban the chancellor from pubs

The Talented Mr Eugenides is pushing a campaign to ban Alistair “impose above-inflation rises on beer” Darling from drinking houses across the land.

Sounds like a plan. Just a half for me, though, I’m driving.

binge drinkers unite

Alix Mortimers’ début on LC is a glorious piece - not-to-mention an angry poke to the eye of rightwing prigs and interventionist lefties.

The entire business world today is run on coffee. Two hundred years ago the entire diplomatic and trading world was run on snuff and, not infrequently, laudanum. Five hundred years ago the whole of society was run on - yes! - alcohol again. We’ve always been high on something. The drug du jour is entirely incidental.

I’m pretty sure cocaine deserves a mention, too.

Brilliant stuff. Recommended.

starbucks stagnates

Robert Toomey, an analyst at E K Riley Investments in Seattle: -

“They’re going to have to slow the rate of new store openings - definitely in the US and perhaps overseas as well. It goes back to the issues of a diluted experience and a saturated market.”

Finally, the Starbuckization of the high street may slow. Hopefully.

via. GU

the irregular quote of the day

Justin on proposals to hike the tax on alcohol: -

I don’t know about anyone else but I’d feel less inclined to drink if this country, along with its culture and its politics, was just a little less unremittingly shit. That, of course, would require almost an entire generation of good-for-nothing-else chancers and mountebanks getting their marching orders.

So, taxation and banning it is then. Stuff the quality of life.

battle stations

I’m out of coffee. This is not a drill, soldier. Procuring more coffee is priority NUMBER ONE. Now, get to it!!

UPDATE: PANIC OVER. Disaster averted. FairTrade Guatemalan coffee procured. Two in one, eh?

1. Coffee levels returning to normal.
2. Liberal, middle-class self-satisfaction assured.

review: chinese jasmine monkey king tea

Monkey King tea, sourced from the Hunan Province in South-Eastern China, is the oldest known scented tea. Scented with jasmine blossoms, when it’s brewed it emits a heavy fragrance and its colour has a deep dark orange hue. Almost as if it has been collected from a rusty barrel.

In its dry state, however, the tea is dark green with occasional remains of the blossoms. The scent is fresh and flowery.

The heaviness of this ancient tea doesn’t really transfer to the flavour. It’s surprisingly light and relaxing. In fact it’s an excellent tea. Try drinking on a rainy Sunday afternoon (like this one), with a good film, and just maybe, a warm blanket.

hung over

When you have two kids your social life takes a kicking.

Even going to the movies entails a gargantuan level of preparation. So the parents of young children tend to end up at home most nights, sat there, hoping the sprogs sleep through the night, or at best, don’t vomit all over themselves. This is the life we choose. And we do it for Queen and Country.

Last night was a rare night out. It was a social event that I had to attend for work. The wine was free…

I’m not too proud to say I have been up since 5.30. I have been sick twice. And I have a throbbing headache that really must bugger off before my nine o’clock appointment.

I just don’t seem to be able to take alcohol anymore. When I was a student I could take my drink. I could mix cocktails, wine, beer, and chasers. No problem. Now if I follow a “swift half” with a bowl of sherry trifle, I’m throwing up in the hedgerows, telling everyone I love them, and falling asleep on the night bus. I just can’t do it anymore. I’m getting old.

looking forward to 90mins of homer

Just read the Simpsons article in the Guardian’s Weekend section. Don’t waste your time. Simpsons fans will learn nothing they didn’t know before.

Any new light the article sheds on the forthcoming film is contained in the following few lines: -

The secrecy surrounding The Simpsons Movie has been intense, but Variety, the industry newspaper, has already revealed that the plot is built around storylines involving religious fundamentalists and global warming. It can also be revealed that there is a scene, controversial inside Fox, in which Bart skateboards naked.

I have a few beers for tonight. Regular readers will be aware that I don’t drink very often, so I’m going to enjoy sipping them.

shiraz

Still celebrating (that’s my excuse ), I had a bottle and a half of Aussie Shiraz last night. I don’t drink very often so it has kicked the shit out of me. I feel terrible and I’ve had no sleep.

Feel sorry for me?

Oh, okay, suit yourself.

*tyger shuffles off muttering something about bastards and painkillers*

Tagged | Obsessions

The Talented Mr. Zhisou has tagged me. Apparently I am to divulge my obsessions, presumably on the point of death. I better get to it then, eh?

I guess I pass through phases of obsessive behaviour. When I was sixteen I could pretty much name every football player in Italy’s Serie A – now that is very sad, and certainly obsessive. Now I doubt I could name much more than the starting line-ups of AC Milan, Inter, and maybe Roma – although ask me about 1994’s roster, and you get pretty much everything. I do retain information rather well (another sign of an obsessive).

So, here goes…

Have a fine St. Patrick’s Day

Coffee dreams

Everyone loves a dig at a huge American conglomerate (and I’m no exception).

Starbucks has become much more than just a coffeeshop, it’s a lifestyle choice, and thousands of willing Brits have signed up to an existence defined by over-priced coffee, blueberry muffins, and tapping their feet to the latest Nora Jones record. This is the Starbucks life, and to be honest, it’s a damn site better than the reality for most people. Maybe us lefties should just let them have their caffeine-fuelled dreams, and stop bitching?

Coffee’s the trick

Using Coffee To Trick Your Brain
I usually work on multiple projects at the same time, and whenever a new project comes along, I find it really difficult to actually get started. Once I’ve begun making progress, I’m able to move smoothly without any problems. It’s the getting started that’s really difficult, especially if it’s something I’m not really interested in. At an intellectual level I know I have to get started, but I’m not able to summon up the motivation to begin.

For the last few months, the most reliable technique I’ve found to help me get started is to take the work to a coffee shop and begin while sipping coffee. I’ve found that this allows me to get excited about whatever is in front of me at that time. My brain appears to misattribute the physiological response to coffee as excitement about whatever I’m working on at that time.

Of course, once I’ve started on the project, I get into a state where I’m chugging along well after the coffee has worn off. The interesting thing is that the excitement remains.

When I was a student I couldn’t afford coffee shops.