tygerland.net

I have a plan for Britain’s next generation of nuclear weapons. As news junkies will be well aware, the Trident weapon system will be obsolete within the next 20-years, and the government faces the question of whether we invest in its successor.

Trident was conceived prior to the collapse of the Soviet Union, so one could argue that its necessity was apparent, against the possibility of Soviet advances into Western Europe. Of course this never happened, and the Russians are now friendly gas-vendors, who keep us lovely and warm throughout the chilly months. So the question on the lips of everyone who cares, is whether we actually need a replacement?

The gestation period for such a project is about 14-years, and people expect it cost up to £25bn, but knowing the British penchant for sticking to budgets, one would expect it to cost at least this amount. That’s a lot of money, a lot of our money.

The post-Iraq world is no more stable than the bipolar one that gave birth to Trident and its predecessor, Polaris, so one would assume that we need to continue to have our own nuclear deterrent, lest we become completely reliant on the US for the integrity of our interests. This is the pro-development argument.

The opposing argument highlights the reality, that nuclear weapons have never been used in anger since WW2; unless of course the French were deliberately nuking shoals of tuna in the South Pacific 15-years ago. So why do we need nuclear weapons?

Of course the nuclear question is about presence and prestige on the international stage. Britain the former Imperial Power is unwilling to give up its seat at the big table. The fact that we are nothing more that wilful sidekick, to a real heavyweight, is immaterial, our politicians love nothing more than ‘bigging it up’ on the international stage. So inevitably our leaders will get their toys and we will stump the cash.

But I have a better idea….

Why don’t we announce that indeed we will be replacing Trident, and spend a few hundred pounds thinking of some Greek god to name it after. When this important decision has been made, we can employ some scientist’s to knock up a few drawings, and appear on TV in white coats making informed statements about fusion and delivery systems, but actually invest the bulk of the £25bn in a high interest savings account.

Think about it: £25bn invested over 20 or 30-years; that’s a whole bundle of cash that could be spent really needy causes, such as health, education, or financing tygerland.net – you see, it makes perfect sense. If we could pull it off, we would get all the kudos and recognition that goes with being a nuclear superpower, yet none of the cost of running it. Everyone’s a winner.

So Tony, if you’re interested, please contact me via email. And that’ll be the usual 10%, plus expenses obviously.